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Like my father used to say, "If you're gonna be a dick, be a big one!" I'm certain he meant I should open the biggest private detective business out there. Sadly, he never got a chance to elaborate as he ran out on us that very same day. In fact, he may have been saying the phrase on his way out the door, I'm not entirely sure. It was with my faithful assistant in mind that I accepted the case up north. I still don't know if I regret that decision or not, but I owed it to Fella. She stood a semi-petite 5'3 " with a kinda cute smile, an intellect unrivaled by any home based hottie manning a computer on TV, good natured , not mousey, not really, but like, kinda a little, ya know?, but yeah.She also came equipped with quirky mannerisms, and an uncanny capability to constantly catch the worst conceivable and contemptible cunts currently cajoling her caring character causing this latest catastrophe. It was one of the things we had in common; we were sure to attract the . Everyone present knew that their fate was now in my hands, the hands of a fifteen-year old youth. A boy king, some might call me, but so be it. I was a “boy king” who now had the power of life and death over them and they knew it. I could reward, as I did with Dad, or I could punish, as I was about to do rather dramatically in some cases.“Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, step forward and bend the knee,” I instructed the former Prince Consort of the United Kingdom to present himself for judgment.The aged Prince trembled as he knelt, but he bent the knee all the same. His hands visibly shook, his body shivering as he did so. I reached out and patted him on the head before deciding his fate.“Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, for various crimes of neglect and omission, I hereby sentence you to house arrest in Holyrood Palace, which I award thee for thy own hereditary estate with its adjacent lands, for the remainder of your natural life. You shall be reduced in rank and title henceforth.
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